


Nino is Scarred

by gurajiorasu



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 03:25:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2372777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gurajiorasu/pseuds/gurajiorasu





	Nino is Scarred

Nino was scanning through his shelves, searching for a certain game he’d been craving to play on. He was not in a good mood, another short-lived relationship just met its end.

His index finger traced all the boxes and cases, one by one in an alphabetical order. He stopped when his finger felt something other than plastic.

It was an envelope. A letter.

Nino took it, wondering what letter it was.  
Not until he looked at the handwriting in front of it did he remember about it.

 _‘To Nino’s Lover’_ it said.

Nino snorted a bitter laugh. He remembered it vividly by then. It was a letter that Ohno handed him the day he asked Ohno to break up with him.

 _“Give this to your next lover, please,”_ Ohno had said.

But then, numerous lovers after, not even once did Nino do as he was told.

Nino decided to forget the game and sat in the couch with the letter instead. For a moment, the memory of that certain day ambushed him.  
It was rainy, it was cold. He asked for a break up, Ohno just nodded and smiled. No resistance whatsoever.  
 _Maybe he never loved me anyway._  
Nino smiled bitterly. Somehow, a certain part in his heart was still aching every time he thought about that day. But then, he chuckled.  
 _Or maybe he never loves anyone. He has no love life at all ever since, after all._

Nino shrugged and opened it. He knew he wasn’t supposed to do that, but it had been years since then, anything that was written there must have already been irrelevant by then.

He didn’t know that it was about to make every inch of his heart shudder and tremble.

*******

_If you’re reading this, it means that you’re the lucky person that Nino chose to be his lover._  
 _Congratulation. You’re blessed. I envy you._

_I know it might not be my place to tell this, but consider this as tips from a predecessor._

_You might have realized it, or you might have not, but you will understand that Nino is not a usual lover._  
 _Some say he’s troublesome. Some say he’s heartless._

_But no, I’d say he’s just scarred._  
 _So, please, take care of him carefully._

_He needs his personal space more than anything. It’s his fortress, his comfort zone. Don’t push it, know your boundaries. Be there when he needs you but don’t intrude when he doesn’t allow you to. Don’t get angry when he says fuck off or something alike, because whether you like it or not, it’s a part of him._

_If you ask him to go somewhere - hang out with friends or anything - he might refuse. He likes to be in his apartment, alone. In times like this, let him be. Don’t force him to come even though you know it would be fun. Go, do your things, let him be alone. But keep your cellphone on and when you come home to him, make sure you say that you miss him. It might sound like nothing, but I know he likes it. It makes him feels needed. Loved. In a subtle way that he could take._

_Most people are annoyed with his obsession; games. But if you really love him, whoever you are, bear with it._  
 _He doesn’t believe in love. He doesn’t trust human. Not even me. Therefore he runs to his games. Games would never betray him. Mario, Dragon Quest, and Zelda will always be there for him. We’re not. At least that’s what he thinks._  
 _When he’s busy with his games, let him be. Don’t nag him. Be around and prepare your shoulder for him. For when he’s so into his games it means he’s so into a problem._

_And speaking about problem, don’t urge him to tell you his problems. Just stay quiet until he decides to tell. Sometimes it needs a long talk and a couple of fight before he decides it. Sometimes all it needs is a mere stroke to his hair._

_When you’ve spent enough time with him, you might notice that he’s actually so distant. You might find it hard to know what he feels. And when it has been long enough between you two, he might act like an unbearable brat._  
 _But it only means that he loves you more than he allows himself to._

_I’ve told you earlier that he doesn’t believe in love. He’s convinced that love is something that would wither eventually and will only leave him with nothing but pain and betrayal. That’s why he doesn’t want to be in love, he doesn’t want to be loved._

_He’s exceptionally good with words, but you have to be careful in deciphering it._  
 _He might say that he’s okay with you cheating on him as long as he doesn’t know. The truth is, he’s not okay at all with it._  
 _He might say that you’re annoying. The truth is, you already got his heart, it started to scare him._  
 _He might say that he had a good time going on blind dates. The truth is, it’s just his way to make you stop loving him._

_Because he’s afraid of love._

_He likes the sex rough. He wants to make it as if the relationship is solely for physical purpose. No cuddling. No sweet talking._  
 _But after those exhaustive fucks, wrap yourself around him gently. Stroke his skin softly. Hug his delicate body tightly._  
 _He would curl up to you. Because he needs it, he just doesn’t want to admit it._

_He doesn’t take care of himself, mainly because he doesn’t even allow himself to be loved by himself._  
 _So, please, take care of him._

_He often does something that is harmful to himself. Smoking, drinking, you name it._  
 _You don’t have to forbid him. Let him be. But be there to stop him when he smokes a cigar too many or drinks a swig too much. A simple ‘stop’ would be enough._

_He forgets his meal a lot. Due to his games. Due to nothing at all._  
 _In this case, just sit there next to him and eat your food. Feed him every once in a while. Share. He would refuse if you order him to eat his own food, but this way, he would gladly open his mouth._

_If you know that he needs his sleep but he doesn’t seem like he would do it, approach him slowly. Let him rest his tired head on your shoulder or on your lap. Brush his hair lightly in a steady pace. Hum if you can._  
 _He would be asleep in no time. After you’re sure he’s already deep in his sleep, carry him to the bedroom and tuck him in. A good night kiss wouldn’t do any harm. Or a warm hug through the night._

_When he’s sick, be there with him. Even when he yells at you to leave, just stay._  
 _He doesn’t like to be awake alone, and your presence might be the best medicine for him._

_When he’s upset or angry, be there with him too._  
 _He might look strong, but he’s actually pretty fragile inside._

_Don’t make him cry, don’t hurt him._  
 _He’s already hurt enough without you adding it in._

_All in all, always be there for him. Support him in all times. Stand for him._  
 _That’s what I’ve been doing and I’ll keep doing it for the rest of my life - as his lover or not._

_I know he’s difficult. If I have to list everything that I want you to know about him, I would never finish this letter._  
 _But maybe it’s just because I love him too much._

_Nino has been through a lot. If you think you have an idea of what he’s been through, you’re wrong. Love betrayed him. Love scarred him. He’s marred._

_You must know that he’s stingy, right? The whole nation knows it._  
 _There’s a reason for it. He takes lesson from his experience in a hard way. He had his hard time with money. So now, even though he could buy an island with just a signature of him, he’s still famous for his stinginess._  
 _Let me tell you; it also applies in his case of love. He has experienced the pain and despair caused by love, thus he made a wall around him, protecting himself from the said love._

_Love is not forever, he often said. But believe me, he craves for it. Even when he doesn’t admit it. Even when he doesn’t realize it._

_If you’re reading this, then my relationship with him is already over. You might want to ask, ‘if you love him that much, why didn’t you keep the relationship and take care of him yourself?’_  
 _Oh, I would love to do that. But if he asks me to leave, I’ll leave. That’s how much I love him._  
 _He’s bent so much that a little bit more and he might break. So I won’t push anything at all at him._

_If you ask, ‘do you still love him?’_  
 _I’d say yes. Contrary to his belief, I’m sure my love for him will last forever. But loving doesn’t mean owning, right? So this is my way of loving him._

_Please, whoever you are, love him sincerely and take care of him properly. Don’t give up on him._  
 _And if you do give up, please tell me so I can think a way to mend his broken heart. I don’t want him to have another scar in his heart._

_Give this letter back to him when you’re quitting, so he can give it to his next lover. And the next. And the next._  
 _And through all of his relationships, I would be there for him. As his friend, as his brother, as anything he wants me to be._

_Once again, please, take care of him._  
 _For he’s the most precious thing for me in this world._  
 _And you’re so lucky that you can be with him. I would really glad to switch places with you, but he chose you, not me._

_Congratulation._

_Best regards,_  
 _Ohno Satoshi._

*******

The letter was wrinkled in some spots, like Ohno was crying to it when he wrote it.

And half way through the letter, Nino started to cry too.

The letter hit Nino’s heart right in the spot. His body was trembling and his heart was aching.

Images of him making fun of Ohno because he hadn’t gotten any lover yet since Nino flashed before his eyes.  
 _“Still single, old man? Still can’t move on from me, huh?”_ Nino would tease with his smug smirk.  
 _“Hm? Yeah, maybe,”_ Ohno would answer with a slight shrug and a simple smile. And they would laugh through it like it’s nothing.

Now that Nino knew the exact reason why, he couldn’t help but to feel extremely guilty.

After all those tantrums, after all those disrespectful behaviors, Ohno was still there for him. Even after the breakup. Even through all those short lived relationships that Nino had been through.  
Ohno still _loves_ him.

When he refused to believe in love. When he refused to love anyone. When he refused to be loved. When he refused to love himself.  
Ohno still _loves_ him.

Without realizing, he abandoned his apartment and dashed to Ohno’s.

Nino couldn’t do anything when Ohno opened the door. He just looked at the floor where his tears were dropped freely.

His heart was a mess, he knew that. But he also knew that if it’s Ohno, everything could be fixed again.  
For Ohno knew everything about him. Even the things that he wouldn’t admit. Even the things that he himself didn’t know.

“Nino?” Ohno was startled, “Nino, what happened?”

Nino struggled to speak in between his sobs, “I might be difficult.. and I’m a complete jerk..”

“Hah?”

“But please, take care of me,” Nino’s body was shaking hard, “Even when I hurt myself. Even when I tell you to fuck off. Even when I start to make you hate me.”

Ohno looked at the paper on Nino’s hand and he suddenly understood what’s all this about. He stepped closer and brushed Nino’s shoulder.

“Please, take care of me,” Nino repeated, “And teach me that love could last forever.”

Ohno took Nino to his embrace and kissed Nino’s top of the head. With a soft whisper, he said, “I will.”


End file.
